Are you in a dead-end relationship?

We all look forward to spending our lives with someone who loves us genuinely and is not afraid to let us into their lives. You may be spending a lot of time with the person you consider a possible future partner yet he makes no attempt to declare an exclusive relationship with you. You may have experienced this in past relationships and yet you do not recognise when a relationship is leading to nowhere. Many people find themselves in relationships that lead nowhere far too often that they qualify to be referred to as “queens of dead-end relationships.” These are relationships that end even before they really begin. Dead-end relationships can be emotionally draining because you put in so much effort into a relationship that will eventually fail. With this comes the pain of trying to detach yourself from someone you are deeply involved with, yet you are aware they are not ready for commitment. For many, the result of a dead-end relationship is loss of faith in finding real love.

For some people, being in a relationship is driven by factors other than shared love and commitment. Some women may enter into a relationship out of desperation of growing old and not finding someone, while others may do so to conform – because their friends are in relationships. Relationships born out of anything other than real love and commitment often do not last and are difficult to define, as they are very complicated.

In a dead-end relationship one partner has a motive for being in it and clearly knows what they want from it, while the other partner may be in it because it is convenient but they are not interested in long term commitment. Someone who is not ready for commitment will simply introduce their date as a ‘friend’. Young men, especially, steer clear of declaring whether or not the woman they are seeing is their girlfriend if they have no commitment to the relationship. How do you recognise a dead-end relationship?

You have not met his friends…

When we have friends we trust, we let them into our lives and often seek their approval in almost everything. It is, therefore, common to introduce the person you are dating to your friends. Men, especially, seek approval from their friends when they meet a girl they seriously consider a potential partner. Men are greatly influenced by their friends and the object of their affection will be discussed in great detail amongst friends.

If your partner wants to be with you for the long term, he will not hesitate to introduce you to his friends. Indeed, he will be keen to have you meet them. If after a few months of dating you have not been introduced to any friend, know that something is not right. Men derive great pride in introducing a girl they love to their friends. If he leaves you behind when going to meet his friends, give up and delete his number from your phone book.

You are the one who always calls…

If you are always the one calling to find out how his day has been or to confirm a date, you should suspect that he might not be too keen. If he only calls you when he wants something from you, such as sex, that’s a signal of lack of commitment. By being the one initiating the calls, you may be desperate for the relationship while he is in it for the convenience of it. It is time for you to think where the relationship is headed and if you see no future, call it quits before he dumps you. Read the signs and move on to a more deserving person. A man seeking a committed relationship communicates regularly and is genuinely concerned about your well-being.

He is secretive…

A healthy relationship includes sharing personal experiences and feelings, including goals, ambitions, aspirations or fears. Building trust is usually a slow process, but once in a while, your partner should reveal something personal about himself. If he constantly avoids revealing anything about himself, even when you ask a direct question, you have reason to worry about the relationship. Conversations that are shallow or do not hint at a future together are signs of a man who is not ready to settle down.

He does not spend quality time with you…

Dating involves the two of you spending time together getting to know each other and having fun. You might be spending a lot of time together but in the company of other people, or just indoors in his, or your apartment. If he is not keen to spend quality time with you and is not showing signs of really wanting to know you and you getting to know him, he may be just a ‘passing cloud’. Every girl cherishes dressing up for a date and spending quality ‘alone’ time with her boyfriend. If he is not keen to take you out on dates, think again. He may not be ready for a serious relationship, at least not with you.

He always insists on coming to your place…

If he never invites you to his place and always insists on coming to your place, you should ‘smell a rat.’ What is he hiding from you? He may just be taking you for a ride while he has another serious relationship. He may only be interested in having sex with you at the most convenient place – your place, while the key to his apartment is with his ‘real’ girlfriend. Quickly get out of this relationship and move on.

He only uses pet names…

We cherish our names and though romantic names have their place in a relationship, you should be worried if your partner never actually calls you by your real name and only uses pet names – darling, sweetie, pookie… While it may seem that he is being romantic or loving towards you, chances are that he has so many women in his life that he actually does not remember their names, including yours. If someone really loves you and wants to know you better, they should first internalise your name before using pet names, which they could be using with every woman they meet.

He has not spelt out his intentions…

If you have done everything possible to prove you want to be with him for the rest of your life but he has not said what his intentions are, may be he does not feel the same way you do. If you have directly asked him about the direction the relationship is going and what his long term intentions are but he says nothing or just shrugs his shoulders, its time to take off. The relationship is headed nowhere and you are just wasting your time. Men are usually straightforward about their feelings towards women they are interested in. Do not stick around hoping he will change his mind. Just leave with your head held high because you are worth a better man.